Empathy can be defined as the ability to understand someone else's point of view, experience, and/or feelings, even if these are not aligned to your own. To show empathy, we can allow someone to be validated in their emotions and respect where they are in their own life. I often talk about dialectics in therapy, that more than one thing can be true at once, even if they are opposing ideas. You can acknowledge your own frustration at someone you love who is struggling within a vicious cycle, whilst still loving them and wanting to support them. Frustration does not negate compassion!
Empathy & Social Media
In my opinion, and from my own observation, I see the correlation between social media and the disappearance of empathy. What once was a limited space, the internet used to be host to nonsensical websites (anyone remember Ebaum's world?) and rudimentary gaming sites, or connecting with friends and family (shout out to MSN messenger).
For those of us lucky enough to be 90s babies or earlier, dial up internet meant that our time was limited online. Should someone need to make a phone call, your time was up, and you were booted off your computer and had to go find fun elsewhere. Now, we have access to each other, and information, constantly. "Familiarity breeds contempt" is the phrase that comes to mind when I consider this contemporary societal model. We know so much about each other, whether we were interested or not, courtesy of digitally enforced proximity to others. We have become exposed to a world much bigger and more complex than we were designed to comprehend. Only on TikTok can you watch a video of a dog being rescued from abuse, to then watching a billionaire unboxing video, to someone restocking their fridge, then to fearmongering based on politics. The emotional whiplash from ten minutes on TikTok would be enough to disrupt most people's sense of compassion and hope for the world.
Communication is made up of body language, tone, and language use. We use each of these elements to signal and further our abilities to communicate with one another. I read an interesting hypothesis called the Virtual Disengagement Hypothesis; they suggest that neurologically, we cannot activate the full neural pathway for empathy when these cues do not exist. Using online platforms (comments, replies, messaging) removes these cues entirely, and therefore makes it more difficult for us to understand the tone and/or subtext present. Online hostility is growing, which is reflected in the statistics for online hate and harassment reported by Ofcom from February 2026.
Labels & Groups
Labelling and assigning descriptors creates a sense of familiarity. Labelling things can be very useful, of course, and is a means of identification. However, in a social context, labels lead to groups, and within groups you can find it split into factions. A prime example of this would be looking at our current political landscape: left and right, far left and far right, centrists, left leaning centrist, right leaning centrist, conservative, liberal, anarchist...
Whilst labels, groups and language gives us an opportunity for understanding and enlightenment, it could be argued that it has had the opposite effect. No longer is their a curiosity about others. Some people have regressed in this aspect, and lean into cynicism rather than curiosity. By using social media, we are given someone's experiences and opinions (and thanks to the algorithm, you won't necessarily be in control of who/what you see) without context, or nuance, or education. Now, every single person with a device has a platform to share their life, their opinions, and anything else they deem fit for consumption.
There are so many theories about groups, but I find the easiest way is simple observation. If you have ever watched any TV show focused on a group setting (Big Brother, Traitors, Survivor) then you will have a basic understanding, at a psychological level, that group mentality focuses on acceptance and connection above all else. Whether you are the leader or the follower, the ultimate goal is to be a part of something bigger. Nobody wants to be left out, or marginalised. All of us seek a sense of belonging and safety. It is basic survival.
Media & Online Groups
The layers of complexity keep coming. Consider mainstream media. There is a history of using propaganda and sensationalism to sell news, or encourage viewership. There are examples all through history where people would still have split opinions, however, it would be discussed in smaller groups and depend on social gatherings of people for topics to be raised and discussed. Social media removed the need for physical groups. You can find your people all over the globe, and try to fit into the community that represents you best without ever leaving the comfort of home.
The old adage, "all attention is good attention", is alive and well. Being controversial, or mean-spirited in the guise of brutal honesty, or specifically exclusionary online may be a modern attempt at connection seeking; it could also be argued that a controversial diatribe sparks more curiosity than a fluff piece. Sensationalism was borne of mainstream media, and became a new beast of its own when we began to live our lives online. Take, for example, groups such as Flat Earth conspiracy theorists. There was a documentary that was instigated to prove that the Earth was not a globe; unfortunately, science prevailed, and members of the community were shunned because they went against their community in favour of truth. It was about protecting all of the systems they had built, and all of the people who connected through this conspiracy. To agree with the proven truth would be to dismantle the very community that they all felt part of. It's easier to close out difficult truths than to remain open-minded. The lack of empathy presents itself as a means of survival; the need to be exclusionary meant there was no room for people who did not commit to this belief.
Another example that comes to mind is the Incel community. Incels are driven into a community of those who have much rage and resentment to the world around them; the irony isn't lost on me that their sense of community is built on rejection. It is also worthwhile noting that Incel communities report the highest display of depressive symptoms within a number of studies. Incels can discuss amongst themselves the best way to frighten women and be appreciated, perhaps revered, for their darkness. Instead of individuals within the community being able to look at themselves, and apply introspection, their lack of empathy comes from the need to remain in a victim mentality. Whether that is due to attachment issues, childhood abuse, etc, those who can only thrive through the degradation of others cannot be open-minded to other's experiences. Yet, we have seen a rise in cult-like communities that promote toxic behaviour, division and entitlement as a new way of being. If you haven't seen it, I would encourage you to watch Louis Theroux's documentary on the manosphere. He was able to show more about the isolating and destructive nature of these individuals than I will ever be able to do with my words!
As a Scottish born person, I cannot ignore the macabre history of my country. Public hangings, torture and humiliation rituals formed a part of our justice system for hundreds of years. What once felt like an ancient way of life seems to have been resurrected and twisted into a new form of public execution - cancel culture. Instead of watching a woman being hanged for fear of witchcraft, we can instead (from the comfort of our own homes) read and write comments annihilating someone's character based on a story they shared, or, that someone else has shared about them. We can victim shame in real time. We can anonymously share our darkest wishes for a perfect stranger, knowing that the likelihood of ever being found is slim to none. We can have people dismissed from their jobs, lose their homes and livelihoods, all at the click of a button or two. Social media gave us a shadowy front row seat to the lived experiences of others, and the power to condemn or exalt them. The danger of living in an echo chamber is that toxic thinking and behaviour is normalised, and you may fall foul of operating on the assumptions and biases of others.
Looking Inward - Individuals Make Society
If I decided that the only important thing in my life was my opinions, my needs and desires - would I expect other people to connect with me?
If I met someone who could only focus on their opinions, needs and desires, would I want to build a relationship with them?
Looking at some of the communities mentioned above, there is no room for empathy. Empathy would mean being open-minded, and having a degree of emotional intelligence. It could mean admitting being wrong, whether that's a lack of education, or caught up in the psychological phenomenon of groupthink. It could mean taking accountability for misunderstanding. It could mean accepting privilege. It could mean being vulnerable.
I have worked in mental health for a long time now, and I find the rhetoric of "break the stigma" interesting. There is a blanket expectation for us all to be better with one another, more supportive and understanding when people struggle. Yet, we continue to split into groups for where to lay the blame for all our problems. How do we expect to improve the mental health and wellbeing of our communities, when the driving force of its poor quality is our own opinions and stubbornness, fuelling hatred and division in our already divided society? Does continuing on with a reductive approach to what is 'good' and 'bad' really help us all connect at a human level?
None of us should get to decide the value of human life, and denigrate those who don't quite fit in. We are all human, underneath the societal constructs created by those who came before us. Those who designed systems, and solutions, and problems. Only those of us in the here and now have the power of change. Each of us has a responsibility to one another, every day, to make better choices and think critically and wisely about what we see and hear - and, ultimately, how we choose to co-exist with one another.
Questions & Reflections
One of my favourite questions to ask in the therapy room is, "what would you say to a friend?". It is a gateway into your compassionate side, to consider responding to a loved one instead of a stranger or yourself. If your friend was struggling financially and started to receive benefits, would you call them a scrounger? Would you tell them that they are a waste of life? Would you tell them to try harder to get into work? Would you dare accuse them of fleecing you as a tax payer? Hopefully not!
Consider these questions and your answers to them:
- Are you compelled to react to things you see or hear online? What drives your need to interact with deliberately inflammatory material? How far does your research (with credible sources) go before you form an opinion?
- If you have strong controversial opinions, is there room for you to learn more, or from a reputable source? What drives you to align with controversy? How does it make you feel to have those opinions?
- Can you recognise when you are angry or irritated by someone, and the root cause of that? Do you often lean into that impulsive, reactive side of yourself rather than allowing yourself space to think and regulate your emotions? Do you know how to regulate your emotions?
- Would you consider yourself empathetic? Are their exclusions to your empathy? If so, what are they, and why do you think that is?
My hope, now that I am at the end of this think piece, is to encourage you to reflect on your biases and how they impact your interactions with others. Can we all make a little more space for compassion, and bring back empathy?
Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of any clinic, agency, or employer. The content provided here is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute mental health treatment, formal diagnosis, or professional psychological advice. Reading this article or interacting with the author does not create a therapist-client relationship. If you are experiencing a mental health emergency or crisis, please contact your local emergency services or reach out to a crisis helpline immediately.
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